Okay, so it has been a while again. Unfortunately, I don’t have any good excuses. Believe it or not, we started this blog over 5 years ago now! When we started, we had no idea where this process would lead. Five years later we have two wonderful children that happen to be biological siblings as well. Even five years later, I still stand back and ask myself, how did this happen?! Am I really a mom?! In the days after Eva was born and we brought her home, it was almost surreal. Not sure if this happens to moms when they give birth as well, but I remember thinking over and over, “is this real?” Being in the day to day chaos of raising two toddlers, we often lose sight of just how lucky we are. Today is a day to step back and let it all sink in.
Four years ago today, Eva’s adoption decree was signed. She became a part of our family forever. We have never really celebrated this day before. It has been on the calendar, but sadly, we have never made a big deal out of it.
I had thought about writing a post, and I still will at some point, about how much our kids know about their adoptions and their birth family, but in the process of discussing that post with Scott, we ended up having an interesting discussion. I happened to mention to him that while I know our kids are adopted and I am thankful for them, I don’t find myself thinking about adoption every day. Most days, they are just my kids…not my adopted kids. Remembering back to the adoption class we took as we started this journey, the adoptive parents often spoke of this exact thing. One said something along the lines of, “We would never introduce our kids, ‘this is our son Ryan, and this is our adopted son Jake,’ they are just our kids. There is no difference in our minds.” I was feeling proud of the fact that I truly felt like these kids had fully enveloped my heart and made me feel like the mother I thought I may never be. As I said that initial statement, that I don’t think about the fact they are adopted every day, Scott shocked me by replying, “I know. I was going to write our five year blog anniversary post about that. About how this whole journey and blog started out so focused on adoption and now it’s barely part of our daily thoughts.” Wh…what? I was stunned. I immediately felt like the worst adoptive mother in the world. How could we have such different views of how the kids and adoption fit into our daily lives now? Was I wrong? Was I supposed to be thinking about the fact they are adopted every day? My mind was spinning. Unfortunately, we never really came to a resolution over these statements, so I was left to contemplate this further.
Here’s what I think, I think that I am right in thinking how wonderful it is that I feel the kids are mine, not my adopted kids…just my kids. I have every right to feel like their mother. I have raised them since birth and they called me mom before we even started discussing their birth mother with them. If I think of them simply as my adopted kids, then I am disconnecting myself from them, from the personalities and skills that I have influenced in them, from both their good and bad habits I have helped instill. While they may have a separate DNA from me, they are my kids and I have shaped them, just as their DNA has shaped them. However, here’s what I think Scott was saying. I think he was saying that we don’t celebrate their adoption enough. We don’t talk about their adoption story enough. We don’t speak of their birth family enough. Don’t get me wrong, we do each of these, just probably not enough. The kids have books about adoption, we speak of and visit with their sisters and their birth mother, who they call [firstname]-mommy, and they have pictures up of them in their rooms. But it’s days like today, Eva’s Adoption Day, that we forget to celebrate. So, I took the first step and posted the picture above on Facebook today and announced that we would be celebrating today. For the first time ever, I did not block their birthmom from seeing a post related to their adoption. I never knew if it would bring back too many difficult memories and emotions for her, but today I let it go. And believe it or not, she was one of the first to love the post and comment on it! I think knowing that we have her blessing in our joy, gives us even more reason to celebrate. So, today we will celebrate. Today we will tell Eva her adoption story again and we will rejoice in the fact God brought her to this world and gave us the opportunity to be a part of our family. We love you, Eva!