Those of you who follow the blog know that we were contacted by our agency to consider being an adoption option for our birthmother and her upcoming blessing. We pondered and prayed for many days and decided that while this decision is coming quicker than we had planned (heh, planned), we would be happy to be considered. With the due date in March, we had some time to prepare.
Not long after we informed the agency, we met with her. It wasn’t a meeting to talk about #2, but just a get together for her to see Eva. Eva had a mini meltdown before we went, but once we were there she was happy. Eva wanted to pull at her earrings, and I think birthmother was happy to see how well Eva was doing.
We didn’t want to broach the topic of #2, because we were unsure of where she was with it. Our relationship with our birthmother is good, but as you can imagine it’s complicated. You want her to know you’re an option, but not pressing her to choose you. You want to express that you’re happy and excited, but not make her feel uncomfortable with where she is at in her decision process.
Towards the end, she did bring it up. We are really blessed to have a birthmother who is very open and lets us know what’s going on. Without going into details, we could tell that she’s put a lot of thought into this, and has a checklist of things that need to happen if she is going bring another mouth to the table. She’s placed a deadline of December for these things to occur.
We left feeling confident that she was making the best decision she could. If we heard in December that she chose us, we’d have time to prepare. She wasn’t pressured to make a decision. When the time comes, she’ll make it in the best interest of the baby and her family.
While that was the best scenario, that still left us with three months of uncertainty. March is in the middle of school show preparation for Steph. Do you start preparing for that scenario, when it was still up in the air?
We decided that you have to assume that it will happen. I’d rather be prepared for a child and not have one, than unprepared with one. Of course, this is an easy decision for me. Six months is an eternity. Even if assured 100% of a child for us in March, I’d being the same amount of planning that I’m doing now.
Hardly any at all.
Come the New Year, yeah, I’ll probably start to worry about things, but until then I’m focused on what’s going on right now. So uncertainty is not bothering me. My wife on the other hand…
I’ve probably mentioned before that the way we approach things are different but complementary. I feel that at the end of the day, things will work out somehow. Steph feels this way…eventually, but only after the processing power of her mind to go through each and every scenario and figure out how to deal with it. Six months out until birth, and three months to a decision there are thousands of scenarios to compile. Will she adopt or not? Choose us? Change her mind? Lose the child? Arrive early? Arrive late? What to do with school this year? Next year? Daycare? Bedrooms? Grandparents to help out that first month? Scott’s time off? Girl or boy?
As she starts eliminating the questions, the worries, the “How are we going to do this” thoughts, she began to relax a bit and maybe even starts to look forward to the fun things as opposed to the logistics and necessities. She was starting to calm.
A couple of weeks later, Eva’s great grandparents visit us. Before they came out, they ordered a new cell phone. Knowing that they’d be on the road, they had it shipped to us so they could have it the rest of the way. Delivery day came and went, so Steph went with her grandmother to the Verizon store to get it sorted out. Turns out that having a cellphone with an area code in one state shipped to another can raise suspicion, so the package was held somewhere.
So, the trip to the cell store didn’t result in bringing home another cell phone bundle. However, Steph did bring something home with her that day. A bundle of mixed emotions and a text message from our birth mother.
“Has [the agency] called you yet?”