God's Child, Our Joy

An adoptive family's journey in faith and life

When Two (Adoption Focus)

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When writing the “When Two” post, I omitted some big elements of the decision. The fact that we are an adoptive family does add a few major elements to the decision process.

1. Money

First, we haven’t yet paid off the costs of the first adoption (I don’t mean to make this sound like waiting to buy a car after you’ve finished paying off the first, but it’s a reality). It’s a significant amount, so you can’t make the decision lightly. Plus, if the tax credit goes away, that makes it even more difficult.

2. Certification Expiration

If we submit our profile books within two years, all of our certifications will still be valid and won’t have to be redone. This is great because we wouldn’t have to pay for the home inspection, etc., and wouldn’t need to reattend the state parenting classes.

3. The Longer Wait

Let’s say you have tickets to Wicked, but can’t attend. You send an e-mail out to see who wants them and two people reply. First there is Adrian, who you know saw it last year. The other person is Toby, and he hasn’t seen it yet. Who are you more likely to give them to? Probably Toby, who hasn’t seen it yet. Same with adoption. Birthparents are more likely to make an adoption plan with a couple without children. Thus, the wait for parents with children is longer than for first time parents. It’s hard to resist the idea of “saving” a couple from a childless existence, easy to resist “saving” them from an only one child existence. I don’t know if this is true, but I would imagine the wait is even longer for families that have some biological children, as I imagine that birthparents would fear that their child would be treated differently.

Regardless the reasons, it is typical that parents with children will wait longer than childless couples. So, perhaps you submit your profile book early in anticipation of this? There’s risk there, as it still can happen at any moment.

4. The relationship with your child’s birthparents

You may be ready to add to your family, but this might make relations with your child’s birthparents different. Up until now, you’ve spent your entire focus on their child, but now you’ll be spliting your focus with another child. It also could become a problem if..

5. The time you have to visit with birthparents is split

With a second child, you’re visiting with twice the birthparents, sending out twice as many pictures, etc. This may strain those relationships, but you also have to account for the time it takes from your schedule.

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