This is a bit of a disclaimer for our blog. We understand that this adoption will happen when it happens; when it was meant to be. We know God has a plan for us; that it will all turn out in the end. We just wish that plan had a fast forward button.
We’ve reached a point where we’ve discussed many topics about the pre-adoption process. We’ve reached the point where almost everything is out of our hands. We’re playing the waiting game, and the waiting game sucks.
I don’t know what it’s like to be pregnant, but I don’t imagine there are many moments where you forget that you’re pregnant. It is the same with adoption. It’s on our mind all the time, which only intensifies the suckiness of the waiting game. When you do happen to let it leave your mind for a moment one of few things happens: someone asks about it, we walk by the nursery, a friend talks about their child, we try to schedule something for the future, etc.
So what do you do? Do you just try to put it out of your mind? Impossible. You see it everywhere you look. Just the other day at work I was listening to the list of my favorite songs from 2008 (what, everyone doesn’t come out with their favorite songs of the year list?), and counted 24 song titles that applied to us right now (for example: All Will Be Well, Better In Time, Spiraling, What About Now). I thought about writing a poem with them all, creating a playlist on iTunes, and posting it to the world before I remembered that A) My poetry is weak, B) My taste in music is different than yours and C) When did this blog become a jukebox?
The biggest problem with ignoring it is that people kind of like us. While not usually a problem, people who care for us inevitably ask us about it. I’d split those questions into two categories, asking if you’ve heard anything, a reasonable question, and asking if you have your baby yet. I’m starting to wonder what people think of me, because if we had our child, I believe my joy would be visible from space. I will not casually drop the news after discussing Chris Johnson’s ADP in a PPR league (fantasy football talk for those of you who don’t play).
So we can’t ignore it. That leaves a couple of options: keeping busy and/or embracing it. Just a month ago I wouldn’t have considered scheduling anything more than a week out…just in case. Now I’m thinking about travel in September and further still. Even though my pessimism is slowly trickling in, I’m still trying to embrace the moments we have now.
Whether it’s looking into the crystal ball about potential dates, or making a list of things that may need to be completed before we will be blessed with a child (coming soon!). I feel that I’m living in the adoption moment, rather than just twiddling my thumbs.
So, I guess what I’m asking is that when I post lists of things to do, or guesses on potential dates, please understand that I’m trying to keep myself engaged in the most positive ways I can, rather than lamenting on the wait, or playing the blame game with our agency or God for not appeasing our desires.