When you get the call, are matched and placed with a child, this is a joyous moment. Of course you want to call your friends and family. The question is, when should you?
With pregnancy, you have a due date you pass on to people. Your parents even have a general idea of when they should plan to visit. You have in mind the people you want to call when you go into labor, etc. With adoption, you may have these same experiences if you are matched with a birth mother during her pregnancy; however there are a few major differences. The first difference is that none of our family and friends are allowed at the hospital. The second difference is that the birth mother can change her mind and we could go home empty handed and down-hearted.
This second difference makes everything more stressful. One part of us wants to share our joy with everyone, but then we would also have to call and share our loss and despair if things don’t work out. Also, with our parents nearly 10 hours away, we wouldn’t want them to come out only to find no new baby.
I suppose the appropriate time may be after the birth mother signs the surrender papers at about 72 hrs before we tell too many people. In some ways, it may be a blessing in disguise. With an adopted child, we as adoptive parents are really concerned about bonding with the baby. Perhaps a delay in visits from family and friends just means more bonding time for us. We’ve even been told that only the two of us should do the feedings and diaper changes for the first couple months to aide in this bonding process. Anyone that wants to visit and be helpful would be welcome to clean the house and cook for us! Just kidding, you can ooh and aah over the little baby all you want in between feedings and changes.
No matter what happens, there will plenty of joy in that moment in which it finally happens. We hope to spread the news a soon as we can.